The All-New Ed, Edd n Eddy Show: The Sweet Escape
by thebestkindofstupid
Summary: Ed Edd n Eddy are in way over their heads after they've been abducted by aliens in "Cartoon Network Invaded". Not only will they have to find a way home, but also find a way to stop the aliens once and for all. This story ends with a cop-out because I grew tired of its poor quality. Please read my newer works, like NEW Grim Edventures.
1. Chapter 1

Ed, Edd, n Eddy: The Sweet Escape

_Chapter 1: The Redux of All Reduxes_

**By The Best Kind of Stupid**

**I would like to thank Omega Delta for Beta reading this fan fiction redux and for offering criticism that doesn't involve flaming and thousands of exclamation marks. I would also like to thank another individual who sent me a PM saying he couldn't follow along with the Cartoon Cartoon Tuesdays pilot, which will also be reduxed. I will leave him anonymous for his own good.**

**Just so everyone knows this fanfiction is being uploaded all at once since I don't have any fans. If I had fans, I would hold back a little at a time so they'd have something to look forward to next week.**

**I'll be typing these updates before and after I write each chapter. There may be a sequel to this as I originally intended but now it seems a little unlikely. Just to let everyone know this story takes place after the CN invaded episode "The Eds Are Coming, the Eds Are Coming", so it won't make sense in some areas unless you've seen that episode or at least know a little bit about that episode, but right now let's get things started on the Ed Edd n Eddy show, (Muppet Show reference for the Fail).**

When all was said and done and the members of the cul-de-sac had realized that they had been abducted by _real _aliens, they were less than pleased. The cul-de-sac's mysterious atmosphere was strangely quiet when they had first found out. There was a strange feeling of sadness rather than panic as the kids realized they had been traveling through outer space for half an hour. The kids had originally assumed that it was merely night time, at one point going into denial about the whole situation, but they soon realized that they were not actually in Peach Creek or Earth or even the solar system. It was unknown as to what the aliens were doing with them.

Nazz was the first to speak up after 3 entire minutes of tension. "Wow, I guess those aliens _were _real," she said with a certain tone of sadness one would have after realizing an enemy of theirs had only been mean because the enemy had been bullied for a long period of time.

Sarah spoke next saying "I wish we had known earlier. Maybe we could have jumped off and survived."

"No," Kevin spoke with a hint of sadness and a mass of seriousness in his voice, "we never would have made it. We would have just jumped to our dooms if we had done that. No one could've survived that."

Double D, Jimmy, and Eddy were still silent from the shock of such an event. Even Ed was looking into the depths of space with a serious look on his face. Rolf walked out of his house, though mysteriously he did not appear alongside his relatives inside his house. What happened to them I'm afraid I can't say. I could be that Rolf made them up and used a series of mechanisms to make puppets appearing to be Rolf's relatives. I could have been a hypnosis that the aliens put on everyone to believe his relatives had come over. Again, I am not sure what happened to them, but I'm sure it wasn't a pleasant story. Rolf could not believe his eyes as planets passed by in a matter of seconds.

The kids took turns confessing truths that they had never told anyone. Nazz admitted she had, at one point, had a crush on Eddy's brother without even meeting the guy. Sarah and Kevin admitted they once had crushes at each at different times, though they never dated being a couple of year's age difference between the two. Eddy revealed that his brother's name was Jason, because Eddy isn't at all an honest person, who would confess something. Rolf revealed that he had enjoyed eating American Chicken Nuggets despite never admitting him to like any sort of American food before. Double D tried to express his love to Nazz but couldn't find the words. Jimmy never said anything at all, but Johnny confessed many things, some of which you never would have thought would be a secret considering how boring they were. While Johnny may not be a boring character, he sure does have an odd mindset.

Suddenly and completely out-of-the-blue, Double D decided he wasn't going to take this sitting down. I won't go into very great detail about what happened next (mostly because this fan fiction is boring enough already), but Double D assembled a rocket. The rocket quickly fell apart, and Ed pointed out there was a rocket in plain sight just a few feet over from where the old rocket was standing. "How did we miss that?" Double D said amazed.

"I don't know" Ed said, despite the fact he probably already knew about it for an incredibly long period of time.

The children tried to get into the rocket but couldn't. Double D quickly built a pair of binoculars to look for the keys, and after a few minutes of searching, he found a new area that the kids had never seen before. They then took a vote on who should go on a scouting mission for the keys, if any were available. Double D was selected with 5 votes. It is most likely the kids did not vote for Eddy because he did not have the intelligence to dodge the lasers of the situation.

Surprisingly the aliens were dumb enough to set the lasers to go off in a set pattern that would allow only the smartest of people to traverse through the lasers. There was a glass hallway surrounding the deadly lasers. The lasers moved to different directions meeting other lasers midway. At the end of the hallway stood a door leading to an indestructible room with the keys inside. The back of the room was made from glass that was completely unbreakable. Double D looked at the hallway and ran through the paths the lasers had left for Double D to walk in. It is in my opinion that the aliens wanted to taunt the Earthlings by setting up this impossible to reach keys, so they could laugh about it. They were wrong. The keys could be taken. Double D took them and made his way out.

To be continued…

**Sorry about the lack of action, but I needed an introduction to the saga. Also, there was a "Magnum Opus Theatre" clip at the very beginning of the original, but I decided not to use it here, because it was very unnecessary.**

**Anyway, big thanks to OmegaDelta for the help on this fan fiction. Also, I got a Wii U. Hooray!**

**Final note: This was close to finished a long time ago. I am now finally uploading it to FF, where it will get approximately zero views. (sarcasm) Hooray. —March 28, 2013**


	2. Chapter 2

Ed, Edd, n Eddy: The Sweet Escape

_Chapter 2: Revenge of the Poor Writing_

**By The Best Kind of Stupid**

When we last left our heroes, Eddy was about to make flambé with a giant yellow balloon by riding it like a cowboy while Double D played second fiddle to a banana at the Grand Symphry Orchestra while seven thousand birds took off and dropped rocks on Ed's head. We now continue our story.

Double D ran back to the spaceship where the other kids were, trying to escape the moon-men-guys-people-ehh-whatever… from the cartoon. The moon men unleashed the aliens from Crash Bandicoot 2 on them. Okay, so they weren't the _real_ Crash 2 aliens, but they were looked exactly the same.

Double D managed to compose himself long enough to successfully insert the key into the spaceship door and blast off. Along the way, they had to dodge meteors, comets, space-trash, and artificially-made satellites.

Kevin scooted to his left kicking Eddy out of the driver's seat and said, "I'll pilot this thing."

1 nanosecond later…

The kids had gotten so lost with Kevin in such a short period of time that they were now on the planet Sram. Sram was a very versatile planet, in the way that there were many difference landscapes much like Earth, but not very much like Earth. As you will see as this story unfolds, this planet was very different. They landed in a desert with a grassy area just to the west, an ice land just a few miles east, a sea just to the northeast, and a swamp just to the southeast.

Kevin can be seen lying on a cactus. Sarah can be seen landed on a rock, and Nazz can be seen on a mattress. Eddy, however, was not as lucky as the others who were left miraculously uninjured. Eddy scraped his knee. Why are you laughing? I'm serious, dagnabbit. I'm not joking. This is my job.

Anyway, Eddy laid unconscious with his face on a rock while lying on his stomach. A strange and mysterious figure approached him. We see his shadow and a stick poking Eddy gently 3 times. We see the same stick hit Eddy a bit more harshly 5 more times. We then see it whomp him on the head. Eddy wakes up and says "Hey! Why don't I stick my foot right…!" We see a blonde-haired, green-eyed boy with yellow shorts and an orange shirt. He says to our heroes "Hi there." Eddy just sits there amazed. He remembered that he had been abducted by aliens prior to crash-landing, but at that very moment he noticed another boy, a teenager.

Double D then said "Um, hello. Do you happen to know which planet we're _*hi-eeh*_" He stopped never finishing. It was at that moment that Double D realized that he was in way over his head. What's that? Why don't I know what happened at Rolf's if I know what was going on inside Double D's head. I'm the author; that' why!

"You're on the planet Sram," he said happily.

"Sram?" Double D repeated confused. He had never heard of the planet Sram. Then again, he had never heard of any planet outside of the known solar system. Sram was Mars spelled backwards he thought, but why? Why would there be such an amazing coincidence.

"Yeah, Sram," he said with a smile, "the planet of the extreme biomes."

"Is this your home planet?" Eddy asked.

"Heck, no!" he said continuing with that same happy tune. "I was born on Earth (wiggles fingers slowly) in another dimension (stops wiggling fingers). Let me tell you the story. I was in the kitchen in my home in America when I discovered a wormhole. Naturally, I tried to alert the media when I fell into its gravitational pull, which seemed to _only_ attract me. There I was on the planet Vunes, with nothing but… hey, you look familiar."

Double D froze for a second. "I do," he said.

The figure said, "Yeah, I can't quite put my finger on it… I know, you're Ed, Edd, n Eddy. I've seen your show on T.V. Hey, it is you, isn't it?"

Double D said "Well, yes, but…" He stopped, once again not finishing.

"Well, that's AWESOME!" the boy said. "Can I have your autograph?"

"Yeah, but it'll cost ya 25 cents." Eddy said slyly, while placing his elbows on Double D's head with an evil smirk on his face.

"Wow, what a bargain," the boy said.

"Fifty cents."

"Still a bargain" the boy said.

"A dollar."

The boy then handed him a bill and said "Here take 5." Eddy just smiles.

Double D asked the boy, "How do you know us?"

The boy smiled and said, "Your show is one of the most popular shows on Cartoon Network rivaling that of SpongeBob on Nickelodean, which is ironic since both your shows came out around the same time. Hmm. Anyway, you are the some of the greatest characters of all time; it's an honor to meet all of you. Especially, you Ed."

Kevin then stands up, just now waking up from his unconscious state and clears his throat. "Yeah?" the kid said.

"Aren't you forgetting someone?" Kevin says implying himself.

"Oh, yeah, Nazz." He said

"No, a certain boy who looks to be about 12 to 14 years old?" Kevin half-asked, half-stated.

"Johnny?" the boy asked curiously.

Kevin then said a little annoyed, "He's a cartoon legend."

"Seth MacFarland" the boy said.

Kevin then screamed at the top of his lungs, "I'M TALKING ABOUT ME! AREN'T YOU GLAD TO SEE ME!?"

The boy then said with his eyes half-opened in sly manner "About as glad as I am to get a deadly disease." The boy and Eddy then laughed.

Kevin then said, "Surely you have some friends who like me…"

The boy said, "What does their opinion matter; they're the kind who plant poison ivy." Eddy and the kid then do the Heckler laugh again.

"OK. Surely there's somebody who likes me."

"So what? There are some people who liked World War II" the kid said. Eddy and he do the heckler laugh one more time.

Eddy then said, "Hold on I got one. What's a five-letter word for loser nobody likes?"

The kid says "I don't know. What is a five-letter word for loser nobody likes?"

Eddy then says, "Kevin… HA HA… heh? Nothing?" He then realized his joke was not funny.

Kevin grabs Eddy and says "You're gonna get a poundin'."

"Put the boy down," the kid said through a megaphone, "I have a working laser gun."

Kevin then said, "Yeah, right." The boy turns up the power on his ray gun and fires it at a nearby mountain. The mountain is destroyed in a fire explosion. Jimmy was shaking after waking up a half-minute earlier.

"The next one won't be a warning shot," he said seriously.

"Yes, sir." Kevin said nervously, shaking more than Jimmy.

"Good," he said, with the same serious tone.

"I like this guy." Eddy said, ecstatic

"Come on. I'll show you freedom," the boy said, in a much more casual tone.

Sarah then said, "And why should we trust you?" At this point, everyone was awake.

"Look around," he said. Everyone looked in different directions with no sign of civilization anywhere.

"Good point," Sarah said, giving in for what may be the first time in her life.

Later, in the jungle area of the desert. …which is kind of stupid, but all right…

Kevin asked a bit concerned, "Say, um, Mr. leader, sir, do you know when we'll arrive at this city you talked about earlier." They were crossing a river by walking over a tree that collapsed forming a bridge.

"Just a little bit further," the boy said, pushing a leaf out of his way, "by the way, the name's Jack, Jack Tanks."

**Next Time: **Rowley Jefferson writes this awful story and does a better job than thebestkindofstupid.


	3. Chapter 3

_The All-New Ed, Edd n Eddy Show_

"The Final Update"

Written by thebestkindofstupid/Reginald Konga/Edd Shwartz

Eddy walked into the living room. "Hey, sockhead, what happened to all the aliens we were fighting?"

"I'm afraid they got tired of waiting for the story to be updated, so they surrendered and sent us home," Double D said.

"Man, what a cop-out," Eddy said.

"Yes, but, you see, Eddy, the author has never truly been satisfied with this story. Whether it be out-of-place references to unpopular television shows, Gary-Stu superheroes, or a mis-matched tone, there has always been something that made the author unhappy with this story."

Eddy then said, "Gee, Double D, I know this sounds out of character, but will the author ever write anything else?"

Double D reassured his friend by saying, "Of course, Eddy, they've been here for over a year. _The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy_ is about us enslaving the Grim Reaper, and that new series _Ed's Game Room_ looks pretty good."

Jimmy couldn't help but overhear the conversation. He walked walked into the house and asked, "What about all the people who enjoyed this story? Will we ever see any of the plot lines return?"

"Actually, Jimmy, the author has been working on a much better story about us having ridiculous adventures. It doesn't have a name yet, but a lot of the ideas for this series will be recycled for that new story. It even features a fourth Ed, even if he is just Eddy's errand boy and nothing more."

Nazz walked into the room and said, "So what you're saying is that we'll never see a new episode of _The All-New Ed, Edd n Eddy Show_?"

"I'm afraid not," Double D said, "this is the final update, and it doesn't look like there will _ever_ be a revival."

Eddy then asked, "So, why did the author abandon this story, and why did he leave it in limbo for such a long time?"

Double D explained, "Well, Eddy, he continued working with other projects until he began work on _The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy_. Even though he's trying to re-write and replace the first chapter, he feels that Chapter Six onwards was a much better story than this fan fiction would ever be. He was originally optimistic that he could one day fix the story, but as time went on, he came to realize it would never happen."

Ed then said, "Like Cave Johnson?"

"Yes, Ed," Double D said with the same solemn yet happy tone, "exactly like Cave Johnson. He waited a long time to write a chapter like this, but he's decided that now is finally the time to finish the story."

"What's going to happen to us?" Ed asked.

"Well, Ed, we are part of the author's imagination. Imagination is a powerful form of energy, and as we know from the law of conservation of energy, no amount of energy can ever be truly destroyed."

Jimmy then said, "Wait, doesn't that scientific law also say that––"

"Shut your stupid mouth!" Eddy commanded.

Double D brushed it off and said, "Well, I guess this pretty much wraps things up. To everyone who enjoyed, favorited, followed, and reviewed this story, we appreciate all your support, but, please, read the author's new stories. They're much better, and he'll continue to update them for at least another year. I wish we could talk a little longer, but I'm afraid this … is where our story ends."


End file.
